Air Force Fiance

Air Force Fiance

A look into my journey as a USAF Second Lieutenant's fiance.

In a mere two weeks, my life is going to change quite a bit. 

I will be leaving the job I have held for over two years. I have built myself up in this job, held every responsibility for my station, and made it known that I was the one to talk to when there was a problem. I have a work family who cares about me and I care about them. It sucks to leave them.

The day after I leave my job, I will be flying out to be with my fiance for two whole weeks. Then we’ll come back home for a week after his training is done. Then for another week we will travel to his new base and attempt to find somewhere to live. 

My world is slowly unraveling to be woven into something completely different. 

And tonight I cried during our Skype call. I didn’t mean to, but we were talking about how I still have his pillow and even though I’ve washed the pillow case several times since he left, I can still smell him on the pillow.

Now that may sound hella creepy, but for those of you who can relate to me on smells, you know what I mean. I identify people by the way they smell. You know what I mean- every time you walk into someone’s house, there is a very distinct smell. And most of the time, you identify those people with that smell. It’s 99.9% of the time a pleasant smell. 

His pillow still smells like him and it’s wonderful. And it made me cry. 

And not just one of those, “Oh, I can’t hold in these few stray tears” crying. Full out sobbing. 

And of course, I am not one of those pretty criers. Red eyes and cheeks, my nose gets stuffy, my lips even get swollen. It’s not pretty.

I was thinking later though, of this concept of why I was crying.

Now I’ve cried because I was hurt, and angry, and betrayed. I’ve cried from pure sadness from losing someone close to me and I’ve cried for my life that I have to leave behind.

But to cry because you love someone so deeply that being apart from them is just unbearable has been an all new concept to me during our relationship.

Yes, I have cried because I broke up with a boyfriend and being apart from them in the beginning is hard. But this…

To express your longing for someone who loves you just as deeply as you love them through tears is new to me. Not brand new, but the realization of the concept is new. I had never really thought about it before tonight.

And I took comfort in that. I didn’t cry because my heart was broken. I didn’t cry because I had lost something or someone. I didn’t cry because I was angry at the sitution.

I cried because I am so deeply in love with this man who is to become my husband that being apart from him for any span of time is painful. 

I have never felt this deep of love for anyone before. 

And that makes me so utterly happy.

Good night.

College Graduation

In less than 10 hours, I will be walking across the stage to receive my Bachelor’s of Science in Business Administration with an Emphasis in Accounting. I have been in college for 5 years (due to a change in major and a transfer to another college after my freshman year). I have been a student for 19 years. It is honestly extremely hard for me to wrap my head around the whole concept.

What is even more hard is to wrap my head around the fact that I will have to go through this momentous occasion and milestone in my life without my fiance. He is not allowed to leave his training for anything other than major life events. Graduation is not one of those. (His friend’s wife had a baby and they only gave his friend one day off and he was to report back the next day.) 

I am kind of freaking out, honestly. I’ve never been good with momentous occasions. Even the first time meeting his mom, I about had a panic attack because I was so nervous! I don’t handle stress well and I have struggled with my anxiety for some time.

But the thought of having to celebrate tomorrow without him being there with me… It honestly just makes my heart hurt. I love having him as an integral part of my life.

It’s very difficult to accept that he will not be there tomorrow, to celebrate with me, and to be proud of me. 

I’ll really be leaning on my family tomorrow, that’s for sure.


baby cal :)




Fun fact: My fiance is not an “airman.” An airman in the Air Force is an enlistee. He is an USAF Officer. Sorry, no short words for that. :)

Airman is a broad term for someone who serves in the USAF. Though he is obviously not an E-2, he’s still an Airman.

Thank you for your correction. I do understand they generalize Air Force as “airmen.” I was coming at it more from what I’ve been told. Most of the officers, including my fiance, I’ve talked to prefer to be referred to as Officers and not Airmen.

My uncle explained it by comparing it to employees and managers, whereas Officers would be the managers and Airmen would be employees. While they all work for the same company and can be generalized as “company employees,” generally a manager is almost always refered to as a manager.

I just wanted to explain where my reasoning came from. Thanks for the tip though. :)